


Reserved

by starrylitme



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Bullying, Comfort/Angst, Complicated Relationships, First Kiss, Isolation, M/M, Resentment, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-23 03:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23771782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: They were close as kids until Nagito moved. When they meet again in Hope's Peak, things are more fraught and complicated between them than Hinata ever could have imagined. And it's hard to deal with.They're friends. He likes Nagito, even when he's being difficult. It's just even more difficult not to hate him because of the situation, too.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 16
Kudos: 205
Collections: KomaHina Week 2020





	Reserved

**Author's Note:**

> First fic for the KomaHina Fanweek, made with the prompts School AU, Childhood, and Firsts. A normal person would write something a bit fluffier, but I started the yuri manga Picture of Tears, and this is what happened instead. Or maybe I'm just more for fraught relationships in general. There's going to be a lot of that in these upcoming fics for the fanweek. I uh, don't know why.
> 
> Still, I'm pretty happy with this one in particular. When rereading it, I enjoyed it. I hope you all enjoy it, too.

It’s not that he’s a bitter person. It’s more that he just can’t believe this is happening.

“I can’t believe it either,” Nagito chirps with the same smile he wore as a kid. “Who would’ve thought we’d go to the same high school, Hinata-kun?”

“I... Yeah.” He tries to not let his smile twitch even as his eyes sweep Nagito’s uniform. Warm brown, green and red vest, while his was black, black, black—“It’s...lucky, huh?”

“Very lucky!” Nagito exclaims, taking his hands. “Even if you’re a reserve, I’m still so happy to see you! I missed you!”

“I missed you too.” It’s not a lie. It’s just not the full truth, either. But it’s all he can manage while choking back resentment. “It’s good to see you again, Nagito.”

Nagito hadn’t changed at all. Neither had he.

How infuriating. It’s the first time he’s ever wanted to hate someone.

* * *

It’s not like Komaeda Nagito was a bad person. A bit reserved, sometimes quite pompous, but once you gave him the time of day, he’d light up like the night sky. Eyes twinkling, face beaming—it was painfully obvious that Komaeda Nagito was incredibly lonely.

So, Hinata hung around him. Nagito was eager to please, desperate to not lose the sole friendship he had no matter how many times Hinata insisted that it was fine, he didn’t mind, he’s not going to leave him. And then, Nagito was the one that moved. Hinata had to pretend that didn’t stung.

“He was a freak anyway,” his other friends would mutter. “You were too nice, Hinata.”

_He wasn’t that bad. He was just—weird. But he was as lonely as he was weird. If you just listened to him, you’d understand that. That he was insecure, that he really worried about others, that he had a light sense of humor, that he appreciated even the smallest gestures—_

Stuff that’d be way too embarrassing to say out loud, so Hinata just kept his mouth shut. He kept it shut and thought about how Nagito thought way too fucking highly of him if he really couldn’t do something as simple as defend him to his other friends.

_I’m not a good person, Nagito. It’s probably good you got away before realizing that._

Still.

It had stung.

* * *

“How’s class?”

“It’s fine,” he says through gritted teeth, trying not to tear too fiercely through his bread. “I’m sure it’s pretty dull compared to whatever time you’re having.”

“Probably,” Nagito chirps, because he’s always been so bad about reading the room. Even resting under shade, that smile on his face is disgustingly bright. “But, I still like hearing about how you’re doing. It’s been a while, Hinata-kun! Has nothing interesting happened to you since? Well, besides...”

He gestures at the black reserve uniform Hinata wore. That smile finally strained, and Hinata feels the opposite of satisfaction.

“No. Nothing I can think of.”

Nagito’s expression twists, brows pinching.

“Nothing at all? Hey, Hinata-kun. Why did you join the reserve course, anyway? I didn’t even think...” He trails off. “It must have sent your family back quite a bit. They’re not struggling, are they?”

“They’re probably relieved to have me out of their hair.” Despite himself, a wry grin does finally pull at his lips. “It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sure your parents worry,” Nagito insists. “You’re their child, after all.”

_Their child. Named for the first day of the year when I was born. But that day’s just another holiday for everyone else._

“I have you here to keep an eye on me,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”

He reaches out then, and he lets his fingers card through the wild white curls of his childhood friend’s hair. Nagito blushes just as intensely as he did way back when. Perhaps more so—has he gotten paler?

_I wouldn’t know. It’s not like I looked at pictures of him._

**_There’s no real need for it now when the real thing’s in front of me._ **

Nagito was such a vibrant shade of red, too. Precious. He’s still adorable. Goddamn.

“H-Hinata-kun,” Nagito whines under his breath as he’s continuously petted. “H-Hey, um, we’re not, kids, anymore.”

“We’ve known each other long enough that it should be fine, but, yeah.” Hinata does pull back. “I guess it is kind of weird. People might even get the wrong idea.”

“Oh, no!” Nagito exclaimed. “I wouldn’t want to compromise your reputation!”

**_My_ ** _reputation?_

“Oh.”

To his credit, Nagito seemed to realize it at the same time.

“Well... I guess that would be different for you, even if it’s me, huh.”

**_Even if it’s you._ **

What an infuriating phrase. And he thought Nagito’s self-deprecation when they were kids was aggravating. At least back then it had been harmless. It hadn’t really mattered if Nagito had that quirk. Just another thing to reassure him about like how the sky wouldn’t fall just because a yen bill flew into his hands.

_I hate this. I hate this. I hate this._

But that’s not _Nagito’s_ fault, his conscience tells him. It’s a buzz in his ear, too annoying to ignore.

“It’s not a big deal,” he says, even though it very well could be. If he wasn’t suffocated by the dreary atmosphere—maybe it would instead be at the hands of his resentful peers. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“We’re friends,” Nagito pointed out, frowning. “I can’t help but worry about you.”

“Thanks.” _But no thanks. Don’t fucking patronize me._ “I really appreciate it.”

_It’s not his fault. Don’t be a dick._

Especially when he sees his reflection in Nagito’s glimmering gaze—and he doesn’t want that image to distort.

* * *

There’s graffiti on his desk. People are whispering. They’re trying to pretend they aren’t looking at him.

It took months, but his class is finally behaving like a regular class.

Hinata keeps his head down as he scrubs his desk clean.

* * *

“Hinata-kun, can you help me?”

“With what, exactly?”

“Ahaha, it’s embarrassing but I don’t...I don’t understand this game at all.” Nagito waves around a small handheld gaming console with a sheepish grin. It’s such an innocuous sight. Hinata just wishes they could be inside. The sunlight is hurting his head. “I’m more for mysteries and puzzles, you see. That’s pretty lame, I know, but you like this kind of thing, right, Hinata-kun?”

When he hands Hinata over, Hinata does recognize the game on the screen. It’s popular. A lot of people have talked about and played it. He himself played a demo at the game store not too long ago. But, he couldn’t exactly ask his parents for it when he had his eyes on Hope’s Peak. And this console was the latest model, too.

“If you don’t like this kind of thing, why do you own it?” Hinata asked, brow furrowed. “You weren’t exactly the biggest gamer back then.”

“I mean, I like games,” Nagito said, shrugging rather helplessly. “Just—the more niche titles and genres, I suppose? But, our class rep—she’s a huge fan of games and has gotten the entire class into them. So, I just thought I might as well...”

Hinata clicks start.

“Seriously? You’re not even past the second level.”

“I-It’s frustrating!” Nagito exclaimed, flustered now. “It’s so—it’s way too easy to die! I just don’t have Nanami-san’s incredible resolve!”

_It’s not really about having an Ultimate resolve to complete something so simple._

“Nagito.” Hinata thought about the nicest way to say it. “This game is made for children. It’s not that hard. You just have to be a little stubborn.”

When he glances at Nagito’s expression, he can see those pink cheeks puffing out, that smile turning into a deep pout.

“Well then,” Nagito huffed, shoving the console into his hands. “If you’re such an expert, why don’t you teach me by example?”

Hinata snorted, but he settled on the bench, trying not to chuckle at Nagito peering intently at the screen as he started the game.

“It is frustrating,” Hinata finds himself saying as he directs the character. “Because challenge is part of the game.”

He manages to get through the stage in a few attempts. Nagito’s face scrunches up as he perseveres, learning the level and figuring out the means to get through. It really wasn’t anything more significant than watching someone play through an arcade game. And yet, Nagito kept on watching, and Hinata felt more and more cognizant of the fact.

Nagito’s hair tickles his cheek, and his character dies. Flustered, he restarts.

“Is the teacher slipping?” Nagito asks, unimpressed. Hinata shoves him lightly with a grumble.

“It’s just a game, lighten up!” He exclaims that, but his heart is pounding. “You shouldn’t even have to force yourself to be good at something to get other people to like you! I already know that doesn’t work!”

_Ah. What—did I just say? Seriously? **Seriously**?_

Nagito blinks at him, and then he laughs.

“You’re right. That’s quite the useless endeavor. You can only be good at something if you’re talented.”

_What?_

Hinata feels his eyes burn, and he hits pause on the game. He hands it back over.

“Right, there’s no point.”

“I just don’t want to bring everyone down,” Nagito says, smile strained. “But someone like me would be better off excluded, huh, Hinata-kun?”

_Why do you have to say that? How the hell do you think I feel? I just want to deserve being here._

“It’s not a problem if you’re not that good,” Hinata said. “As long as—they enjoy being around you. They’re not going to care.”

_Instead I’m forced to say these asinine words of advice that I don’t even believe. It’s so annoying. Hey, Nagito..._

“You’re so kind, Hinata-kun.” Nagito’s eyes grew misty. “What a good friend you are!”

_Sometimes, I really hate you._

And yet, he is Nagito’s friend. If he said that to Nagito’s face—what good would it do but hurt both of them? He doesn’t even have anyone else.

_Hah. So lame. I’m stuck sucking up to this guy because I’m that fucking desperate._

“Hinata-kun?”

He’s so pathetic that even Nagito, even Nagito seems to notice something’s off. Nagito does take the game from him, but his other hand also wavers near Hinata’s face. That hand hesitates before resting on his cheek.

Nagito’s touch is unsurprisingly pretty cold, but he also feels frail enough to snap between his fingers. Nagito searches his stare, and Hinata feels dead staring back, even as his eyes almost inevitably fall to Nagito’s mouth, parting and closing.

_So pink. Up close, Nagito’s striking._

“Hinata-kun, um...” Open. Shut. Nagito chews on his lower lip. “Are you alright?”

Nagito had some pretty wide eyes, too. And they were such a weird color. Gray or green? He couldn’t tell and no matter how close he peered into those depths, it was—unclear. Nagito’s breath was warm despite how frozen he suddenly seemed. And a face like that—Hinata couldn’t help but lean in.

He’s kissed a couple of girls before. A couple of guys. Those were always hurried little pecks, too fearful and anxious to be daring. Here, Hinata presses and lingers, and Nagito remains frozen.

It’s soft. Surprisingly warm. It’s not—unpleasant to kiss his childhood friend like this. It’s not like Hinata hadn’t wanted to kiss him in the past.

_And now?_

Hinata pulls back, and Nagito’s cheeks are terribly flushed. Blinking, Hinata nearly choked, covering his mouth as he realized.

_Now what the hell are we supposed to do?!_

“N-Nagito, I... Sorry! Sorry, sorry! I just...!” Furiously ducking his head, Hinata groaned. “I don’t even know what I was thinking?”

“That...” Nagito rubs his lower lip. “That was my first kiss, you know.”

**_Shit._ **

“S-Sorry,” he helplessly repeated. “I won’t do it again.”

Nagito’s gaze flickers, strangely dazed.

“I don’t mind. Because—Hinata-kun is a dear friend of mine. Yeah. It’s only fair.” Nagito nodded firmly. “It’s only fair to repay that.”

_Repay? I didn’t talk to you in the first place for a give and take. I talked to you because I felt sorry for you._

Hinata stood up and turned on his heel.

“Eh? Hinata-kun?”

“Just forget about it,” he snapped. “I’m not—if we were to get into a relationship, I don’t want it to be because you think it’s _only_ _fair_. Fucking hell, Nagito, that’s now how relationships should be!” He whirled on him with a vicious scowl. “Just how fucking pitiable do you think I am?!”

Nagito went right back to gaping like a fish. Then, his lips were trembling as were his shoulders. Hinata felt the first stab of guilt, and it just made him all the more frustrated.

“I—I’m leaving. I’m sorry. I just. I need some time, Nagito.”

With that uninspired remark, he could only run away. Every pounding step, every pound of his heart, and Hinata realized his own tears had started flowing. Gritting his teeth, he cursed everything. The school, the main course, the reserve course, Nagito, and himself.

* * *

He was too ashamed to show his face to Komaeda Nagito the next day. So, he didn’t venture beyond the reserve course out of fear of running into him. He was a coward, through and through.

_Nagito should’ve been the one to lose his temper. How shitty am I? I—I definitely do need to apologize more properly to him._

He thought that, and he sincerely felt that way. He just lacked the guts to pursue it. How lame.

_How do you even make up something like that?_

There wasn’t anyone to ask, even online. He really had fucked up. What was he going to do if Nagito decided he didn’t even want to _look_ at him anymore?

_Hey, what’s even the point of going on? What am I doing? Just what the hell am I doing?_

There was—always that project—wasn’t there?

**_Isn’t that my only option?_ **

The thought droned in his head, over and over. The oppressive figures of the Steering Committee, the gentle yet off-putting smile of the headmaster, the contract that would detail the end of his existence in no uncertain terms to begin anew—and then Nagito’s smiling face. His dearest, precious childhood friend. His Nagito, who won that godforsaken lottery and snatched up _the last fucking chance Hinata had to become an Ultimate without resorting to something so serious as fucking **brain surgery**_ —

He was tempted to throw his own desk out the window to save the time of those who muttered and whispered maliciously behind his back. Although it’s not like it mattered. Who cared about what any of these fellow nobodies had to say? Who cared about them, who cared about the staff, who cared about the reserve course beyond as a fucking bank?

They were never destined for success. Why pretend otherwise.

Hinata slips out while the lesson is still ongoing. The teacher, broken and cynical as they are, doesn’t even pause to call him out. What a stupid waste of time all of this has been.

_I want to scream. I really ought to scream._

He stepped outside, took in a deep breath, and he buried his face into his hands.

“...I’m so...tired of all of this. None of it matters, it’s not just exhausting—it’s tedious. It’s boring!”

It’s so exhausting and boring that he wants to laugh, as if that’ll summon even just the facsimile of glee. God, when was even the last time he was happy?

_When did I get this fucking miserable?_

Without thinking, Hinata passed the gates, ready to run and leave it all behind—except. There was someone waiting there. Someone who jumped at Hinata’s sudden appearance, and jerked to face him, gray-green eyes large and pale cheeks awash with color. Hinata stilled, except for his heart. His heart leapt.

“H... Hinata-kun.” Nagito’s lips pursed. “Did you leave class early?”

“When did you get here?” The question breaks through before Hinata can stop it. “Nagito, did you—were you—how long have you been here?”

“I came by a little early,” Nagito admitted. “Um, because I wanted to give myself time to formulate what to say to you when I...saw you. And so that I wouldn’t lose my nerve, I suppose. I-I wasn’t expecting for us to confront each other so soon.”

“Sorry,” Hinata said instinctively. Realizing, he swung his body down for a bow. “No, I’m really sorry! What I said the other day was awful! I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that—especially not after...after doing something...like _that_.”

“That?” Nagito parroted quietly, licking his lips. “I, aha, while it was a surprise, it wasn’t an unpleasant one. I’m sorry, too, Hinata-kun, for giving you the impression that I didn’t...like you. You’re a reserve, but you’re also my dearest friend. I wanted to make that clear, and I... I also wanted to warn you to be careful.”

Hinata stares at the floor.

“B-Be extra careful from now on!” Nagito stammered. “Try to be on the lookout for any falling vases, any crumbling bookshelves, any unsteady trees, any storms, any vehicles, any meteorites—! Just! Anything!”

**_Oh_ ** _. Oh, Nagito._

“If something happened to you,” Nagito murmured. “It would truly be despairing, Hinata-kun. So, really I do think...it’d be better if we didn’t get too close.”

“Nagito,” he sighs, and his heart hurts. “You really couldn’t just reject me because I’m a reserve?”

“I can’t do that because you’re also Hinata-kun.” Nagito’s head ducked. “Even if you’re a reserve, you’re also Hinata-kun. And Hinata-kun is—important to me.”

_He might be the only person who thinks that. He’s certainly the first person to say it. So, then, how the hell am I supposed to be okay with letting him go? If he leaves, I won’t have anything else. My only other option is—that. I might go for that anyway. And, when I do—_

**_It’s not like even Nagito’s luck will matter anymore._ **

“You’re important to me, too,” Hinata said, because it’s true. He moves forward, hesitating but pushing on, wrapping his arms around the other. “So, even if it’s for a little while, can we stay together like this? I promise—it won’t be for long.”

“H-Hinata-kun...” Nagito stammers but he feebly returns the embrace, fragile in the circle of his arms. “Okay. Just because you’re Hinata-kun.”

_It’s because I won’t be Hinata Hajime for much longer._

With that in mind and nothing to say because of it, Hinata squeezes his best friend tightly. For once, he can’t help but hope some part of him is left behind in the future.

For not just his sake—but for that of Komaeda Nagito as well.


End file.
